Q: How do cryptographic hashes like MD5 and SHA work?

A: God knows all the information in the universe and has numbered each of them. The hash reveals god’s inventory number for that particular piece of information.

Q: Why do hash collisions exist?

A: Have you ever built an inventory system? They’re f’ing impossible to get right. I’d like to see you get it right Mr. Smartypants!

Q: Why are there multiple hash algorithms?

A: We live in a polytheistic universe.

Q: Where did you get your degrees in theology and computer science?

(Tom quickly exits the room)